The Secret to Quesadillas

Quesadillas are simple. Top Ramen simple. In its most essential form, it’s cheese folded into a tortilla and then melted. Sure, we can get fancy with meets and sauces. Don’t go too crazy with the toppings or you’ll ruin the entire thing! You want tomatoes? You want onions? You want cilantro, a squirt of lime and loads of meaty delight? That’s a Taco, you’ve overshot the goal. Bring it back a little.

Taco bell charges $3.50 for this exercise in basic motor skills. Screw those money-gorging sirens. Avoid their song. I promise you, the creamy jalapeño sauce isn’t worth it.

The perfect quesadilla is built, not born. And if you want your sky scraper to stand, you build with steal.

Lesson 1- Flour tortillas are bullshit: Don’t be deceived by their smooth, white exterior. They’re just oversized communion wafers, unworthy of your quesadilla. Corn’s the only way to ride. These tortillas taste better, but more importantly, they fry better. (Think corn tortilla chips vs. flour tortilla chips; one hoists salsa proudly on the salted savor of the swinging stalks of Iowa and the other tastes like dirt.)

Lesson 2- If it says “Kraft” it’s not good enough: I don’t care about the enticing labels the makers of American cheese singles place on their products to convince you of their authentic ethnicity. The “Mexican” in “Mexican Blend Shredded Cheese” is a filthy lie. Buy queso chihuahua instead. This is a Mexican style cheese specifically made for its melting powers. So it’s perfect for making queso dip or perhaps for liquefying within the confines of a tortilla pocket.

Lesson 3- Grate your shit: Large slices of cheese take longer to melt, which means you’re more likely to end up with a burnt shell. Be smart with your cheese. Whether you use a little or whether you like your ‘dillas fat and oozy, always grate.

Lesson 4- Did you really just say microwave? No, you didn’t. Because you know better. And don’t you dare dry-pan that sucker either. Frying is the only way to go. See, what you’re quesadilla needs is a nice hot oil bath. Don’t be afraid to put on the moves. If you take care of it, it’ll take very good care of your taste buds. Cook until your shell is evenly golden-brown.

Lesson 5- Get spicy: I like to add a little chili powder and I’d never forget the onion salt. Get creative to find your spice happy place.

Lesson 6- Never settle for one: This is America. Gluttony is essentially a requirement for citizenship.

Lesson 7- Always…ALWAYS! Remember to enjoy!